Post by karen on Jan 22, 2021 20:34:30 GMT
First of all, let me say if I could give no stars then I would but unfortunately YELP requires that I at least give one star in order to be able to leave a review. This is a clearly flawed system and you can bet your booty that I will be following up with YELP customer service after writing this review.
Now, where do I even begin with Shady Pines Retirement Home? We placed my Mother-In-Law Agnes here six months ago after a bad fall down our stairs that was eventually ruled an accident by the lead investigator. I spent hours searching the web and reading reviews on this place even though it’s not my mother because my useless husband Greg couldn’t be bothered to find a suitable place for her to live now that she is getting to the point that it’s no longer safe for her to live on her own. His solution of having her move in with us was also not acceptable as she is a frigid old hag who has never liked me and intentionally spilled red wine on my wedding dress the day of our nuptials. I suspect that after having to live a lifetime in the same house as this woman, her husband willingly choked on that chicken bone just to escape her incessant criticism and the nails on chalkboard sound of her voice. Nevertheless, being the good Christian woman that I am I tirelessly took time away from my small business to research facilities that would be suitable for a woman of her disposition, not only was this research a loss of personal time for myself but I also lost income as I was not able to host live shows on my business Facebook page and entirely missed the drop of the limited-edition Valentine's Day leggings from corporate as I had to make multiple calls and visits to this location before we signed a leasing contract for her.
As I’m sure you can appreciate, my time is even exceedingly more valuable these days as my nephew Travis has recently signed me to his aerobic wrestling group after the courts mandated that I find healthier ways to release my anger than “assaulting” Applebee’s waitresses over their mismarketed dollaritas. Luckily, I have been paired up with hit recording artist Flo Rida as my partner in our first match against a couple of turds no one has ever heard of. I don’t have much experience with wrestling in any professional capacity but after seeing the security footage from my trial my nephew assured me I have what is referred to as natural talent. Maybe natural talent is what the caretakers at Shady Pines lack that would allow them to do their jobs in the way that had been promised by the multiple glowing reviews I read online? I guess the management at Shady Pines and the bookers at Fade Two Black both have trouble finding skilled labor, otherwise, why is my MIL thriving and happy in her new home and why the heck am I, someone with raw untapped potential, facing two absolute losers like Jupiter Reagan and Keiran Culkin - who by the way, will NEVER reach McCauley’s height of fame. I guess when you can’t hack it in showbiz you have to turn to wrestling.
Speaking of physical exertion, I was extremely disturbed to stop in to visit Agnes and find her doing Pilates in a specialized senior group fitness class provided by your establishment. I hung near the back for a while watching the class because I assumed that perhaps this was an insurance loophole to explain the dislocated hips I read about in multiple other Yelpers reviews but I was aghast to find out that you call this farce of a class “lifestyle enrichment”? Whose life are you enriching exactly? The old bag who on the day of my daughters birth loudly told everyone in the delivery room that my beautiful baby girl looked like someone fished out Tom Selleck's mustache from a clogged toilet pipe? The last thing this woman deserves is loose joints and relief from arthritis, I’ll tell you that.
As if that wasn’t enough, I’ve found out after we were already locked into the leasing agreement for the next six months that you recently changed ownership and are in the process of “turning the place around”. It would have been nice to know up front that you were planning on hiring new staff and renovating the building BEFORE I shelled out the cash to get B-Agnes in there as I was specifically counting on the previous staff mentioned in the other one star reviews on Yelp. I understand that several of them are currently serving extended sentences so I don’t blame you for those but did you really have to get rid of the others? Yes, their licenses may have been revoked but realistically how often do they really check that?
Honestly, this whole thing has me madder than a hornet and I cannot wait to take out all my disappointment and frustration at Sludge Match with Mr. Rida. I only hope the dry cleaners are able to remove blood stains from my boots with the fur after I get done showing Kieran Culkin and Jupiter Reagan exactly what I’d like to do to you Mr. Shady Pines Manager.
In closing, I will be following up for a FULL refund of the amount we have paid so far for my mother in laws care and for us to be released from your bullhockey leasing agreement so that we can find a retirement home that will treat her with the same level of care that I myself would give her if I could stand to be in a room with her for longer than five minutes. If my demands are not met I have no issue calling your corporate offices personally and letting them know what kind of two bit Marriott you’re running.